Why Playing Hard-To-Get Won’t Lead To True Love

So much of what is written about love these days is disorienting, especially for women and men who are seeking a healthy, lasting bond.

We are taught that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Women are instructed to behave like “dumb foxes” in order to gain the respect and interest of masculine men. Likewise, men are taught to not show too much of themselves, to ignore women, and to be jerks in order to make women clamor and pine for their attention.

By: Ajableu Oldham

This sort of advice draws upon people’s insecurities and their deep-seeded uncertainty of their innate worth.

If you play games, if you behave like you’re detached, passive, and unresponsive, you will attract a partner who consciously or unconsciously seeks games in a relationship.

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It’s the folly of the chase, and in this game, you’ll be caught and eaten alive.

If you are inclined to play games by not being responsive, by stirring up jealousy to test your partner, and by creating drama, you’ll attract a partner who feeds off unhealthy, insecure romantic drama.

There are some people who enjoy that kind of romance… Me, I have too many more important things to worry about.

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I write this because over the past few months, I’ve spoken to a few young women who followed advice written in books like Why Men Marry B*tches or The Manual in order to cajole potential partners to fall head over heals in love with them. beautiful-grass

Tactics in these books included pretending that their schedules were too busy for a date, shutting down when they’re upset, and revealing just enough cleavage or leg to gain attention. It might sound silly, spelled out, but I think we often resort to these tactics in real life when we are feeling insecure, lonely, or desperate for love.

Rather than sign yourself up for the folly of the chase, I encourage both women and men to open themselves up to truly falling in love.

Healthy love isn’t built on manipulation or games. Timing, chemistry, and connection don’t follow any script outlined in a how-to book.

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The relationship is entirely organic, triggered by a remarkable attraction, and maintained by the mutual fulfillment of shared needs.

In such instances, he is not from Mars, and she is not from Venus; you are both from planet Earth, experiencing real life together.

To find long-lasting love, focus on identifying your romantic needs.
Set reasonable expectations.
Don’t excuse behavior that doesn’t meet your emotional requirements.

You’ll find that when you’ve truly found someone with whom you share a connection, there are no games.

There are no long-winded schemes. In a healthy, lasting bond, both partners show up for each other as equals, ready to explore the possibility of love together.

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Much of this knowledge draws upon the book The Case For Falling In Love by Mari Ruti. I highly recommend it if you are looking for mature, conscious romance in your life.

What are your tips to avoid being “played”? Share with us in the comments!

Photo Source: Alayah Lee


Born in Minnesota, Ajableu moved to Los Angeles with her mother Kimberly when she was just 4 years old. She went on to study art history at The American Univeristy of Paris, as well as writing at The New School in Manhattan. When she’s not a marketing manager for a TV network in Los Angeles, she’s the Executive Editor of KimberlyElise.com. You can read her Beauty Marketing Notebook for her thoughts on business, marketing, and culture.